IMMA TALK ABOUT IT
So, how do we navigate a fast-paced, consumer-centric world, post-pandemic without negatively impacting others and really start showing up for each other? Let's talk about it!
Tune in & we'll have an honest conversation about how to finally break generational cycles, live a mystically empowered lifestyle from an ethical and aligned place of sovereignty, advocate for ourselves and social movements, and how we can leverage these tools to make a positive impact on the world!
IMMA TALK ABOUT IT
3.11 Healing the Womb Space Post Trauma Pt 1: Miscarriages
After experiencing the heartbreak of a miscarriage, I realized there was a profound need to address the emotional and physical toll traumas like this take on our womb spaces.
Miscarriages often carry a societal stigma, leaving many to suffer in silence. In this episode, I share my personal journey to break this silence, challenge the shame, and advocate for community support and understanding. By educating ourselves and each other, we can foster a collective healing process that benefits not only us but future generations as well.
Join Unstoppable Wealth Creators: https://alisha-eisler.mykajabi.com/unstoppable-wealth-creators
Welcome to. I'ma Talk About it. I'm Alicia E, empowerment coach and ancestral healer, and I'm here to teach you how to break generational cycles, self-advocate and ascend to happiness. Without the guilt of wanting a better life for yourself, you don't have to choose the same path as those before you. You can choose a better way, your way, because if we can each heal ourselves today, we can heal the world tomorrow Together. Welcome back everyone.
Speaker 1:I am so excited to be with you today and I just want to say to all the folks out there great job at making it through this retrograde, making it through all of this cleansing energy. It has been hell in a handbasket, if I say so myself, but it's also been extremely rewarding. How amazing does it feel to have a little bit more clarity about what you want in life, a little bit more clarity about how you feel about yourself and about people, about your destiny, about your purpose. It's been an amazing roller coaster and I hope that you are taking time to also rest before we get into September, because it's about to be crazy again. And today I really want to talk about healing the womb space post-trauma. It's been coming up a lot in the generational healing that I've been doing for folks and just helping people with their womb space, whether or not you have one or not. That energy center can hold a lot of trauma and also is a place where our income is generated from.
Speaker 1:But I wanted to specifically today, talk about miscarriages, and the reason why I want to do this is because miscarriages and the femme body are are not talked about a lot. We are shamed quite a bit for what we go through, and if we are not able to meet expectations, even on a bodily level, we are cast aside, thrown away, and, as someone who's had a miscarriage and also someone who's been divorced, as someone who's a little quirky, as someone who's had a miscarriage, and also someone who's been divorced, as someone who's a little quirky, as someone who's an empowered femme living on the outskirts of societal norms is just something that I'm very, very used to, and so this podcast is really aimed around in general, but also for this episode, normalizing topics that we don't usually talk about, so that we can all help each other heal and grow and expand and move towards a more balanced energy. So today I'm going to talk about healing the womb space, and I'm going to talk about it on four different levels energetically, physically, mentally and spiritually. So also stick around. Towards the end, I have an amazing announcement that I want to share with you all that I'm really excited to be bringing back. But again, let's circle back around to why this topic is important and one more thing that I wanted to add in in this area because, um, we talked about being shamed, we we talked about well, I guess I can expand a lot Um, being shamed, in particular when it comes to miscarriage, can be very, very difficult.
Speaker 1:It is also the reason why a lot of people and if you have never had a child or expect to carry, or have gone through this process, or you just have a different anatomy and it's something you're curious about, like a lot of people tend to not talk about their pregnancies until after the first trimester or so, just to ensure that their baby is going to be fine. But even then, there can be risks later down the road, as many people have experienced, and so the more that we are knowledgeable and respect people's boundaries, the more we can also bring a sense of community and safety to this topic, because what we don't want to do is have people who are wanting to carry not feel safe enough to carry or feel like they have to hide or feel like there's resources out there that they just can't get to. And so if we all educate ourselves on what it's like to actually carry, what stresses come along with it, and help alleviate those stresses, we can ensure that everybody has a really safe pregnancy and carry all the way to term and have very healthy little ones. So that is also why I wanted to talk about this, but I also want to extend on that, and the more we normalize it, the more we can lower the chance of miscarriages in general. Right like that's also what I'm talking about as someone who is a healer and someone who is a doula. The more upfront work that we do, the more understanding, the more compassionate we are, the more we can actually function as a society.
Speaker 1:From a place of preventative healthcare, which is actually very unknown in the US, right Like, our healthcare system is very much so built around what happens afterwards, right, but a lot of cultures, when you start to look at them, have preventative healthcare practices that are slowly making their way into everyday life, and so the more that we talk about miscarriages, the importance of staying healthy, the importance of creating safety, this also counts as preventative health care. So that is something that I also wanted to bring to the forefront, because it's a part of our generational journey and we have to do it as a collective in order to ensure that people's lives are saved and that we can create a better future for everybody who comes um after us. So I want to talk a little bit about healing itself and miscarriages by sharing um a bit of my own miscarriage story. So while I was with my previous partner while I was married you know it wasn't planned to have a child I did find out that I was with a child and I was in a different headspace where I wasn't quite sure if it was something that I wanted to do, and I actually didn't have a lot of time to think about it.
Speaker 1:Like it all kind of happened very quickly and then one morning I had actually woken up and the bed was just and this is trigger warning drenched in blood everywhere. I had never seen that much blood before. I didn't know what was going on. I immediately was in shock, I was horrified, I was fearful, I didn't know what to do. Luckily, my now ex-husband was there as well and was very caring, and we immediately got into the car and I went straight to my doctor. I actually saw a gynecologist and I was able to get into them, which was really great. I had called their office and I had let them know what had happened and they immediately were able to get me in. I didn't want to go to the emergency room, like it. It was very intimate to me and the one thing I will say is that I really appreciated this gynecologist and just femmes in general.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, when you talk about the sensitivity of your female body and any trauma that might be going on, you are a lot more understanding and there is a sense of urgency that comes with it in some cases not always, but what was most important about what was going on I just want to talk about the dynamics of that situation for a minute is in that moment, even though I couldn't articulate it, I really needed what was going on, like everything was happening so fast that it felt like my brain and my body and my energy, everything was just running to catch up with what was happening. I was just, I had shifted into survival mode and from there it was just go, go, go, go go, because I didn't know what was going on and so I wasn't sure if my life was at risk. I wasn't sure if the child was at risk. Like I didn't know what was going on and so I wasn't sure if my life was at risk. I wasn't sure, if you know, the child was at risk. Like I didn't know all of these things and I ended up having a miscarriage and I needed to be in a space where I could feel safe to just accept that fact, like wrap my brain around it.
Speaker 1:And I think, even as someone who is, you know, very healthy, it hit me really hard of me not fully understanding how my body was working and what was going on and feeling a lot of shame around. Why was it that my body couldn't function the way I wanted it to and the way I thought it would and the way I had expected it would right? Like I fit all the parameters in terms of being able to carry for the nine months and like I didn't understand. It was like there was a piece of me that was missing or something that I had missed, that that was so shocking that all I could do was take it one step at a time, right, and, and I had the benefit of being in a partnership at the time with someone who was more understanding during that time, luckily, but it's not always the case for a lot of people, and that's what we also have to understand is, even though it is in partnership, not every partnership is as open and accepting and supportive when, when it comes to carrying a child or like building a family, because it's it's kind of an unspoken thing of of you, you are the mama bear, like you have to take on this responsibility by yourself because it is your body, and so anything that happens with your body it can carry a big sense of shame and disappointment and and really cause you to to hit a deep, deep depression. And and that's what had happened to me as well and I do want to talk about, like, how I was able to heal from that, because I believe that this is stuff that everybody should know, regardless of if you're someone who's going to carry or not um, understanding what resources might be available to you and what you can do. That was really easy, especially as someone who um, also, you know, I have had PTSD and depression and anxiety and eating disorders and all these things, so I was really nervous at the same time that I was going to get into a situation, like I had in the past, where it was going to be really hard to get out of. And so if this is an area that is also important to you or a priority to you, please, please, please, pay attention, because there's little things here and there that you can start doing today in your own practice as preventative care that can help you in any situation.
Speaker 1:So, aside from going straight to medical attention, which you know, I think the biggest thing in that moment was me just being open to the fact that this was happening, like I wasn't gonna hide it, I I wasn't gonna get frustrated about it, like the one thing I was grateful for is that my body did go into survival, get help, rather than survival run, which I feel like some people can also get into. So pay attention to that for yourself. If you feel like you can reach out to people for help, understandably right. It's not always comfortable, but in this time, if this is something you've experienced or if you want to educate other people on it, make yourselves available to them so they know that they can reach out to you, because it's not always an easy process.
Speaker 1:And so, aside from going straight to get medical attention, I had also established on my journey, probably like four or five months before, being a part of a black femme community of herbalists that I was learning about and that really saved me, because there are things about Western medicine that just don't address our cultural needs and our bodily needs in a holistic way. That was really important to me, and so it was very apparent that I had taken, up until that point, a very western stance to how I was treating my body, to how I was healing my body, to asking for help, and that there was something else that was missing, and so I was able to turn to these femmes and let them know what had happened, and they were able to create the safety that I needed. Like I needed a community, I needed people who understood me. I needed something beyond going to the doctor, because usually you go to the doctor, you go back home, right, and then you're in an environment where maybe it's not great for you, but I needed something outside of my partner, outside of my home environment, to be able to freely go to and ask questions and you know, not be judged judged like it was people who I knew but not fully knew, so they were literally in the market to support me and help me heal my body. So that is something that's really important that, even if you aren't considering caring, please make sure that you always have a community outside of your home environment, outside of your friends, that you can go to at any moment.
Speaker 1:And then, something else that I did that really helped me heal was I opened up to my partner and as hard as that was to do because it's not always easy to articulate something that you were going through that severe right, it's not easy I knew that it would be really healing. Like my whole healing journey from having this miscarriage was transparency was key and having an anti-colonial view of of what healing looked like. Right, like we're taught that healing is very individualistic and you have to do it on your own, and you go into the doctor's office by yourself, like all these things are by yourself, and so maintaining even a mindset and a mentality of I'm not doing this alone helped me heal in a very, very nourishing and grounding way that I don't think I would have been able to do had I not also had that mindset. So that's something you can also add, like during times of trauma. Turn to your community like, turn to your community as much as you can and and understand that you will be held in a different way, because it's very colonial to to hold within us all of our, all of our pain, without having understanding, like that you were on this journey alone and there's nobody you can turn to, there's nobody who's going to understand you, there's nobody who's going to support you. Right? But just like other cultural sayings, like it takes a village, it literally takes a village, and that also applies to your own healing, whether it's mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally right. That's what your community is for. We don't dump on people, but we can build a support system that is actually going to be helpful to us and helpful to them as well.
Speaker 1:But I also shared things about my body with my partner that I wanted to talk about, because I knew that if I didn't share these things, we would both be isolated. And you know he wasn't the one caring. He didn't understand what it was like, he had a different understanding of loss and he had a different process of grieving. So I opened the channels to grieving together, of like what happened, how we can say goodbye and how we can move forward, but also that I was struggling with being incapable, like feeling incapable of carrying a physical child, which is something that I assumed my body would be able to do. Um, and it wasn't the right time, it wasn't the right environment I, it wasn't the right met, like, I wasn't in the right mental space. Like, looking back on it, I had reflected on it a lot, as I'm on a new journey, Um, but opening up and have opening up and having that full transparency was very, very, very healing. Um, and if you have multiple partners, do the same thing, like gather everyone together when you are ready, like when you are ready to do it openly, talk about it Like I highly encourage you if it, if you feel safe enough to again. Again, this is also us combating our colonization, right, um, we are safer in numbers, we are safer as a community and you deserve to have a space to be able to share what is going on, right, um?
Speaker 1:And then there was also, during that conversation, aside from the shame, there was a fear of their disappointment and having to tell others like this is, this is a really big thing that isn't talked about again, a lot, as femmes have chosen to carry right, like when you experience the loss of a child. You also fear disappointment. It's very similar but different. Especially when you go through a divorce right, everybody's going to know about it is the first thing that usually crosses people's mind and you're immediately like what am I going to say? What am I going to do? How are they going to treat me? And you have to give yourself a lot of grace during that time, and this is also why I teach my clients a lot about maintaining and setting boundaries consistently, not just during times of emergency or during times of unexpected trauma. Like you need to, at any moment, be able to say to anybody I'm taking my space for a few months, please respect this, and that's it right. Like you don't have to give an explanation.
Speaker 1:But there was that fear during that time of disappointment and having to tell others, and I had decided that I wasn't going to tell anybody. I I well, I actually had told one of my best friends um, there's like a, there's three of them. I didn't tell all of them. I told the one who I knew would cause the least amount of drama and was actually very supportive and very loving and understanding, and that was my decision. I didn't tell my family. I didn't tell anybody and I know when you get to, perhaps, a certain stage of your pregnancy and you're showing a lot more, that looks different, right, but still, the decision is up to you. You do not have to talk to people about it and you can have boundaries around that.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that I had done um, aside from my miscarriage but with my divorce was I had conversations with my family and my friends and kind of built a barrier around myself and I asked them to also protect my own privacy. So if anybody else asked that was outside of them, um, they were directed to say nothing. And if the person was continuing to ask questions, they could verbatim, with my permission, say Alicia has instructed me to not say anything. If you have questions, go straight to her. So then that also helped, right. That alleviated a lot of pressure. Or my family would just say it's none of your business. So when you become really fluent with boundaries and you're in the space where you have people around you who are willing to respect you and like what you are needing in your life, it's easier to insulate yourself and create a really safe bubble. Um and and again, like never feel like you have to talk about something if you truly don't want to. Um, and I know I've.
Speaker 1:I've had friends who have had miscarriages right at the end of their pregnancy, and it was, it was the most heartbreaking thing. Heartbreaking, um, especially because we all work together. So not only was it friends and family, it was, it was coworkers, and so many of us who did work there took it upon ourselves to protect them as much as we could, um, and even if people were having conversations with them about it, we would come over and stop it. So we have to understand that again. We have to work together as a collective to be able to help each other heal and exist in safe spaces. Spaces no matter the situation, no matter the environment, whether it's at work or at home, at a family dinner. It takes a collective right, it truly takes a village, and be very specific about who you include in your village, because it is a matter of your health and that's and that's what's most important.
Speaker 1:And just a few more things that I want to go over in terms of healing. Another one was herbal support, mental health support, and I did vaginal steaming as well. So after a certain stage, I continued to work with my community of black herbalists and black healers who were able to balance my body, because that's what was really going on. The miscarriage was because of a body imbalance, an energetic imbalance and a physical imbalance, which is also, you know, I eventually ended up getting divorced, so there were many other stressors going on that at the time I couldn't quite see, I didn't accept, and it came out in essentially, my miscarriage. And it's very similar to when I work with my clients on their menstrual cycle and just how any trauma that you go through will always show up in your, in your physical blood and the way that your cycle is. And so I teach my clients over six months how to read their cycle if they are bleeding and what to do about it. Because again, it goes back to learning about preventative care.
Speaker 1:If we can understand our bodies, we can understand what it's trying to tell us. We can then do something about it. Right, if you are realizing that you're craving certain foods. Right, like that's also an imbalance. If you're sleeping a certain way, if your blood is a certain color, if the consistency is a different color, if it's this many days or this many days and I know there's a lot of information out there about what's normal and what's natural. I mean, as herbalists, as doulas, as healers, we have to understand that everybody also thought it was natural to stick like materials with chemicals up inside your body and say it was natural. So anything that you see as like, oh, this is natural to do that. I really want you to question it, because your body is going to be your biggest gauge in terms of what is best for you, and everybody's body is different.
Speaker 1:And you know, I had a client who whose cycle was very inconsistent and by the end we got her on a very consistent cycle. Not only that, she was having trouble starting her bleed, it was like a darker color, all of these things, and she was like you know, I read in this book that I should do this and I should do that, and I was like, look, I'm going to tell you right now. Put the book down. Number one, number two um, we need to work on your mental health, um, and we're going to work on some spiritual aspects, and your cycle is already two days late. I'm going to give you some exercises to help start your cycle and then we're going to go from there. I don't want you to buy anything extra. You don't need to do X, y and Z, it's literally your physical body Like. This is also why some people cannot conceive, because their physical body, their physical vessel, is not ready to do it. There's something that's misaligned that needs to be addressed right. Um, and they did their exercises that I gave them. They didn't buy anything, they didn't put anything into their body and their cycle started like 12 hours later.
Speaker 1:So understand that that we are in a stage, as a collective, of relearning who we are and our bodies and how we function. So, healing from traumas in your womb space. Allow yourself the space to do it and understanding like and keep it as simple as possible, because you will get very overwhelmed when you're consistently pushing knowledge down your throat. And I highly recommend just sticking with one coach, one teacher for a little bit and seeing what works for you. Get to know your body. But that was how I really healed was working with herbs to cleanse out my body, any toxins, to get the mental health support that I needed.
Speaker 1:And it wasn't necessarily that I wanted to go back to the therapist, because that was just not all the end. All be all right, it was. It was me going to be back with this community of black femmes who were able to hold space and help me as someone who was a black femme and who was a spiritual person and someone who'd just gone through a miscarriage, and to have an understanding and see people who look like me right, like there were so many overlapping things that I needed to address and I couldn't do it in a therapist's office doesn't mean you can't, for whatever your situation is, but it was a part of my healing journey. And then the vaginal steaming, which you know some people question. I love it. I've never had an issue with it. Um, I've seen it do miracles for people and their body and it really, really helped me. Um, and I still do it to this day and it it was truly a gift. Like it was truly a gift. Um, um.
Speaker 1:One other thing, actually two more things I wanted to add is during my healing process, I also went into a stage of deep rest. Um, because we have a habit of going through a trauma and not resting. Like we need to be able to process, we need to be able to release, we need to be able to let go of anything that is there that is stagnant. We need to be able to literally allow our brains and our bodies to catch up and be like that was real happened. Let me just grieve it out and let it go. So I had actually taken some time of vacation because I was able to. I had access to be able to do that and I recommend that for yourself as well.
Speaker 1:And or call out sick, just call it sick for as long as you can, or do mental health like whatever it is that your job has um, or, if you're an entrepreneur, just mark it off your calendars. Your clients are going to understand um and go into deep, deep rest so you don't end up storing that trauma and so you can actually heal and feel joy again at the end of this, of this process of healing, because it is really really, really difficult and challenging and exhausting on the body and exhausting on your energy, and it's there's a lot of fear, and so there you could also experience a lot of pent anger, which isn't really talked about frustration with yourself, frustration with your body, frustration with the situation, frustration with your partner, for, like, there can be many things that come up and you know, as I always say, anger, mass, fear and sadness. So you need to be able to rest, to allow these emotions to come up so you can release them. Rest to allow these emotions to come up so you can release them.
Speaker 1:And then, finally, one of the one things that I did and I've actually helped a lot of people who have experienced miscarriages do is I wrote a letter to the child that I had lost and I wished them and I told them how much I love them and I told them when I would see them again, cause I know we are all energy and you know I also work in the spirit realm. So I knew that they weren't gone. Their physical body was gone, but they were not gone, um, and I went into nature and I connected in a very ancestral way to make sure that, um, they could also the ancestors help usher this energy into peace, um, and happiness, since I, um am not physically on the other side, right, um. So that is something that I did on my healing journey. So I really I really connected to a deeper sense of belonging in many aspects of my life. You know, physically, I just I really dug in, I really took care of myself. I ate really well. Mentally, I made sure that my mind was okay, um, spiritually, I spoke to my ancestors, I ushered um this child over to the other side, like I was really trying to complete the cycle and do it with a sense of peace and grace and an honor, um, so that I could heal, so that my partner could heal, so we could all heal um, and you know, I'm I'm really grateful that the experience happened the way it it did, because I'm now able to share it with the community.
Speaker 1:Now, um, in hopes that you also share your story, or you have also found some value in this episode today, and that you can help someone else on your journey, whether or not you choose to carry or not. And I just want to wrap it up here, I do want to say that I am making this into a two part. So this is part one, where I am going over miscarriages. The next one is going to be about sexual trauma, because that is something that I've also dealt with and it is very difficult to talk about, but we need to do it. We need to address it as a society, as a collective, and you know my podcast is everything's fair game and I'm here to help change the world with everyone's help. So I hope that you enjoyed this episode.
Speaker 1:Now that we are at the end, I also just want to share that I am bringing back unstoppable wealth creators, which I'm super excited about, and I'm going to share with you all of my really fun money rituals when I do them, how to do them and my secrets for manifesting money super fast if you are in a pinch. And also I'm going to teach you how to become the empowered femme when it comes to financial fluency and really owning your finances, taking responsibility, owning your business and ensuring that people know how to treat you when it comes to your money, so that you are putting out a really solid energy when it comes to manifestation, letting your ancestors know, letting the universe know what exactly you expect and how people can work with you right. So when you understand yourself, the wealth also follows. So, again, I am so happy that you were able to join me today. I hope that you are enjoying this.
Speaker 1:I'm going to drop the link in the show notes for Unstoppable Wealth Creators. I would love for you to join me. It's going to be really fun. It's going to be 90 minutes of us just digging into finances in a really, really fun way. If you've ever been to my workshops. You know they are so much fun and I'm also going to have some time for you to share, ask live Q&A, get your questions answered. It's just going to be a really fun time.
Speaker 1:So I'm sending you all lots of love, lots of hugs. Thank you again for showing up for yourself, showing up for me. I hope that you found value in this discussion and I look forward to the rest of the episodes with you. And on that note, y'all know that is a wrap. I love you all. Hey, if you're ready to ascend to happiness and live the life you've always wanted, join me in my Empowered Living Facebook group for socially conscious healers, witches and spirituals and sign up to get my free, empowered 5 Practices to Ascended Happiness Guide. It's helped others expand their consciousness and soar beyond sight, sound and imagination in just one day. It's the catalyst you need to embrace your magic and change the world. Just click the link in the show notes and I'll see you in the group next time.
